im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
