Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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