Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My pussy is not your playground.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
