My sheets look like a crime scene.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
