it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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