I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
