it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
