margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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