No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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