I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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