Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i've created a new STD.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
