He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
