Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found the puke drawer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
