Your dad touched me again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
