You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
