I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You just made me feel so damn special
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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