What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
