When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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