I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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