Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
