Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
