lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
