You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
