remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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