I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize