we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's the barista slut.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
