can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
