Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
