we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
