My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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