just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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