just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize