I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
