TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
