Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
