2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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