Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
