I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
