how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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