I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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