Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
