i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
