what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
