I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
