Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
