she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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