went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
