Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The air taste purple.
Randomize
