my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
