I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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