she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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