I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
