A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My life is pants optional.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize