I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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