her vagine was all disorganized.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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