Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
