I feel like abortions should bother me more
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
