I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
two words: eviction party
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
