Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
