shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
