You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
