those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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