So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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