How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
