I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
