My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
