Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
