get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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