How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
