I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
