so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
