Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize