the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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