Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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