Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
