HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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